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CHRONICLES OF NYSC CAMP - Welcome Party

The Commandant made people cry in the afternoon, and made people extremely angry in the night that day. At the welcome party, he refused to follow normal procedures. He made sure that the party was very dry. There was no welcome address, the MC was a joke, the DJ tried, but he was not coordinated. The jokes were very very dry. Imagine Warri jokes not making people laugh. The Commandant ordered each platoon to send a girl to dance with him, which means 18 girls from 18 platoons were to show up. When the MC got tired of calling and no one answering, he called out 18 girls. We all watched in disgust as the pot – bellied old man danced to P – Square’s “Temptation”, with the 18 girls rubbing his body. Eventually he got tired and left the stage. At least I can say I danced before the program commenced, with Alcatraz (there was a brief period of dancing before the program started officially). Earlier, after the evening drills, one Hausa guy came to ask for a dance – as in, formally. He was like, “My name is Ibrahim Suleiman (pronounced Su – lay – mourn. I just love the Hausa accent!) and I would love to dance wit you this evening. May I have one dance please?” I stared at him for a few seconds. I guess he didn’t know he was doing anything gauche, because he stared back, awaiting me response. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I told him that if he saw me, no problem, but he should pray that I change my mind and attend.

From Tuesday we’d been wearing white T – shirts on white shorts on white socks with white sneakers, so everyone looked different in mufti. As usual, some girls took it to the extreme and wore scandalous stuff, with Xtreme make up, but a few of us remained sane in jeans and T – shirts. Some of my platoon members saw me and after the 6th person’s exclamation I just decided that I must really look round in my whites, from their comments. At one point, a guy exclaimed, “Is this you? Our Platoon Treasurer? Omo, white white no good o!”

Hippy went back to the room early – did she spend up to 45 minutes? I doubt it. Tommy, Lola, Alcatraz and I were together all night. Ben had stayed over with Kanny in the hospital. When he gets back, he needs to know that he didn’t miss anything. We all miss Kanny. Lola and I went to bed when I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, but not before Alcatraz and I noted the movement of several couples to the field (parade field), to do God-knows what. Mr. Ibrahim was looking for someone, during the event, but he didn’t see me. Hmm….

Comments

xi said…
In my camp, some couples were always going to the field at night. Whenever they were apprehended, the normal excuse was that they wanted to make phone calls and the network reception on the field was very strong.

The question to be asked was "Do you need to undress to find reception"? Oya, guardroom straight!

One hapless guy was caught with one chick, and the guy, feeling like a sprinter in his heyday, abandoned his paramour and absconded, leaving his clothes behind.

Clothes that had his camp number written all over them.

I mean, how stupid can one get?

Anyway, all the trysting on the field stopped the day a snake interrupted the parade.

We were all there on the field, trying to march, next we knew, there was a snake snaking its way through the grass. Snaking away is the best way I can describe the snaky movements. (by now, I must have broken every anti-tautology rule in the book. Sue me).

Anyway, The soldiers shouted "ATTENTION!", "HOL' IT DIA!", "DONT MOVE!"

For where, you and who dey do attention when snake dey roam around for our platoon space? E remain small, the soldiers voices for begin echo, we emptied the field so fast!

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