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BIRTHDAY BASH: Bride to be had fun...

Well I knew beforehand that there was going to be a party for the birthday celebration of my cousin, and I was amply prepared. I wanted to have a good time, and I did.The traffic in Lekki is seriously handicapping people o. I magine spending 2 hrs in traffic on a road that barely takes 10 minutes in a normal situation - it is a straight road for God's sake! Something must be done about that road. Someone suggested a fourth mainland bridge but I am not too optimistic about that bridge moving from fantasy to reality in my lifetime so that is out of the question. Anyway, I got home to meet a small crowd of nice people, just chilling and waiting for night to fall more darkly. I ran up the stairs and had a shower, and assumed that the party downstairs was IT.I ate late (8pm is late now you know), and spent some time gisting with other people, thinking that the party would end right there and there in the house at the appropriate 10pm.Boy, was I wrong! At abt 10.30pm, my cousin announced

Three days to go...Numb

We did more exercises last night, and between you and me, I must tell you. I cannot feel my waist down anymore. But I can now run up the pedestrian bridge like I was in the next Olympics team. Progress is sweet.But I still cannot feel my waist.... HELP!!!!!!

Four days to go and....

I moved in to the bride's house yesterday, and spent the evening mixing and mingling with family and (new) friends. The highlight of the night was when all the guests had gone and it remained the bride (to-be), another bridesmaid (lives in Austria and speaks German, French, English and Dutch fluently, named Aero henceforth) and me in the house.I'd commented on Aero's lean physique earlier in the day, only for me to hear that she would be er...'gym instructor' for the bride till Dday. I quickly signed on, but ten minutes after we started doing crunches that night, I was ready to run.Needless to say that my waist down feels like needles have bn stuck in all over, and I can barely breath in (remember I still had to wear my girdle to sleep).I know it will work but I am dreading nighttime already. My waist is on fire!!!

Fitting Day has passed....phew!

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Ok, so yesterday, I went for the bridesmaid dress fitting. The first agony was locating the Tailor's shop. I had to reach Ojuelegba before taking a Mushin bus that took me back in the direction I was coming from but on the other side. The shop is called La - Beth, and they are specialists in making women's corporate suits and other stuff. I know she's a professional cos my cousin's mum has been using her services for the past 20 yrs - and believe me, if the lady can satisfy my aunt's impeccable, society-conscious taste, then she's on equal grounds with international designers anywhere. After locating the shop, they had to locate my dress, and then I entered the cubicle to wear it. It looked exactly like what was in the picture, but the arm holes were too oblong, and one pad was missing (Ladies, I didnt know that there were pads for the bra area too. Is that supposed to make the dress more fitted? Or to encourage the braless phenomenon since the nipples are not e

DAY Five: little improvement

I have only lost 2kg. Only 2 kg! This is not it at all! I must be realistic sha. I have not been really serious, but at least I got results. These days I eat only when I am hungry, and I find that really satisfactory. It goes down well. That means I eat only once a day. Still five more days to go. And I need to lose a bit more. I think I will be taking swimming very very seriously. This means I will be swimming throughout sunday. Yes, the whole day! Hmm...Have to pack a few things. Pls pray for me o! The fitting day is drawing nearer! And pls try to understand - its for my own good!

Day One: remaining nine days

Fasting begins! No food or water till 5pm. I have a Gala Meaty to use to break then. Then I wore the girdle to bed last night. Found out I went to the restroom more often that usual. My back is ramrod straight right now, but I will soon adjust, I know. No lunch today.....God pls hear my prayers o!

How to lose weight in ten days

Aim - to lose weight drastically in ten days Reason - my cousin's wedding is in two weeks time, and the measurements for the clothes she bought for me for the occasion are er.....really smaller than I am now (I always wonder how I add these love handles so easily!). To fit into the dress (am in her train), I must lose weight....and quickly! Plan - Well, Let us try the diet of the month, the ...er...one that Jessica Alba follows so strictly.... hold on a second! Of course I am a Nigerian! And of course I will not be following some American or BRitish or Hawaii diet regimen that does not put into consideration the haphazard life we live here in Lagos. I am going to do it my own way. Structure A. PRAYER: My mother is a member of MFM (Mountain of Fire and Miracles) church, and they started their seventy (yes you read 70) days fasting and prayer on Sunday the 12th of October. Now its a simple structure really - You fast till 2pm everyday except for Mondays and Fridays when you break at

I walk....

I don't think I can forget Tuesday the 7th of October 2008 for a long long time. I can still see the scene vividly. I came down a pedestrian bridge that morning, and continued walking in a hurry as I was late for an appointment, when something terrible happened. An okada tried to cross to the sidelane (on a four lane road), when it suddenly overturned, at full speed. The passenger got dragged a few feet before being separated from the bike. The okada rider (as we call them), had jumped and landed a few feet away. I stood frozen in place, praying that the passenger had not died, he sat up slowly, and glanced at his laptop bag a few feet away from where he'd skidded to a halt. That was when I noticed his leg. His left leg had broken....at the shins. That is after the knee...it had broken forward at an unearthly angle...and he sat there watching it. People ran towards him...there was a wail of agony at the incident. I still shudder when I picture it. He was just staring at the leg

His wife took him to a strip club

I got another one and decided to share... Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?' His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league. When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?' 'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.' A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?' Bob's wife, now furious, gra

Questions

I got this inmy box and could not resist! ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there… __________________________________________________ __________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats & Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan!! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor…isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ________________________

Drama Queen

I know, when I paused after reading the topic, I tried to see it from a reader's point of view. I'm sure you'll be thinking along this lines: she's about to talk about some chick that loves to act life out, that loves to be the centre of attention 24/7. I am glad to tell you that you are wrong! I am about to lament to YOU about my life! I need to know Why everytime I am about to step up to the next level in my life, its never automatic I need to know why everytime I am supposed to just go through a particular session or phase, its never like everyone else's I need to know why I had to attend 3 primary schools instead of one. why I was not allowed into secondary school from primary 4 and my brother was rushed through why I had to attend two secondary schools why I had to do GCE twice, WAEC once, NECO once, just because I was looking for credit in Chemistry, even though i had As in all the other subjects. why I had to be given a fake score in the JAMB I needed to use

THIRTEEN YEARS AGO

THIRTEEN YEARS AGO "Why wont you talk to him?" Bo asked me with frustration written on her face. She didn't couldnt understand. I liked this guy so I could not possibly talk in his presence. "Ok," Bo said, as we got nearer to his class. "Bring the note and the Milo I'll give him for you, but this is the last time." But of course it wasn't the last. ------ "The holidays are here," whispered Bo on the assembly. She had left her JSS 1j line and come to join me in my JSS1c ,ine so we could chat during the assembly. "I cant wait to go home," I whispered back. "I'll miss you," she whispered. "I'll miss you even more." I replied. "My mum is coming to pick me this time." "Great," replied Bo. "I can meet her finally. Just make sure we see before you go, so I can give you my address." "I dont know anywhere in Lagos" I replied. "Don't worry," Bo soothed w

The Sea of Life

I am in the sea and swimming towards my destiny only a few more meters, it seems I smile as I come closer 'keep swimming' I mutter and in an outward glide my foot gets tied To float I know not how to see what holds me back I bend down tis an anchor, a rope to it is tied and the other end to my foot is ensnared I raise my head above the water and see the shore yonder I must go down to untie myself from this anchor that is keeping me fettered away from my destiny and far from where I want to be. I look around me trying to find help all I can see is nothing but kelp no one close by to hear my cry how to get out of this predicament I know not how the rope tangled to my foot seems tied tighter now! I must find a way out of this Everyone else think all's swell that things are going so well I can't be bothered by their own dilemmas But that's where they are wrong because I'm weighed down wit this ..this Kong! All these issues and no one has even offered to give me a ti