DEATH: Is it an option?

When I think about how today started off - with the mosquito concert overnight, I wonder how things might have been different if I had known. One of my friends killed himself on Thursday.

If you lived in Naija a bit, you would know the University of Lagos. And if you know the University of Lagos well, you would know all about the terrible hard-hearted, greedy 'Mr. Lecturer's that the school is mainly composed of. Well, if you know the faculty of Science very very well like I do, you would know that the departments of Mathematics, Physics, and Computer Science have Hell as better options to them if you had to choose. And you would also know that the reason Computer Science is separated from other departments is because its the worst of them all.
Now some people just go through the system and do not feel it. By this I mean that

they never waited a whole year to get their matriculation numbers,
they never had missing results,
they were never spotted by lecturers and manipulated for any reason (sex, sodomy, money, you name it)

they never had carry-overs
and their names were not mysteriously omitted from graduation/NYSC list.

These people cannot understand the misery that my friend must have been going through silently.

He must have felt a pang of pain everytime he realised that he should have graduated with his mates since 2004. And all his mates have finished service, have steady jobs, started their masters program, one or two have even married. Yet he was held back in school because of a missing result. He was two years ahead of me, and my set have gone for NYSC, so he must have felt like a failure.

I would have put the blame on his head except that I knew that he was not dull - very brilliant, very sharp and organized guy. In his set, he got so many awards - "Mr Cool", "Mr Gentleman", "Most handsome". He was tall, and the calm, cool, collected kind of guy. He never lost his head.

I think he must have gone to see the lecturer who refused to let him graduate, to see his result, only to be told that he failed again. In a course that he gave tutorials several times. It must have been too much for him. So he went home, got out his Dad's gun, and shot through his mouth.
He was nice enough to leave a goodbye note, where he mentioned the lecturer's name as the reason for his actions.

I couldn't believe it the first time I heard, partly because the person telling me was in Holland and had not been home in more than a year. I feel sad.Really sad.

He had potential, was a genius in his own right, and was gentle and nice. Always went out of his way to help. You could call him anytime, about anything, and he would be happy to help out. Through out the drive home, I kept asking out loud, "Why?"

Is suicide an option out of life's troubles? According to Christianity, no (Its a sin).But why do some people even consider it? My best friend lost her purse the other day, and she was going frantic by the second. Cried her eyes out and her nose off because of it. She (being the naughty girl she is) was twisting the quote, "When you reach the end of your rope, knot it and hold on tight". I smiled at her little doubts and tried to reassure her that God was there to help out. She had opened up to the world, on what was bothering her. He hadn't.

If only he had opened up to someone and told them how he really felt. If only he had let down his guard to someone and share his feelings. Maybe he wont be so dead now. Maybe I'll get to the funeral and he'll just shout, "Surprise! I just wanted to see all of you at once."

So sad. So so sad.


Kafo said…

i process to tell u before i pull the trigger