Questions

-
I got this inmy box and could not resist!


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there…
__________________________________________________ __________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats & Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor…isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh....I was getting laid!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess!
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
like to re-phrase that?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?....What school did
you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

--- AND THE BEST FOR LAST! ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

NYSC - national delay or service? Answer

-
I decided that the answer to that question is national service some weeks ago. Now I have changed my mind. It is National delay. After posting us (four corpers) for three weeks [an old secretary tells us to 'come back' with four working days interval, each time] the Railway Technical School, under the auspices of The Railway Corporation, Nigeria, decided that they did not need us. So, I have been rejected from my place of primary assignment. Just when I had decided that I could try my hand at teaching (six footers with baritone voices), and take some certification exams as well, I am told that the Nigerian Railway Corporation cannot afford to pay four corpers five thousand naira, and so we have been rejected. Nigeria we serve! Now I am looking for a job - seriously searching for a job. I am thankful
Read more

Happyness

-
First of all, Happy New Month Everybody! I have been absent because I have been searching for a job. But I missed blogging so I ran back. I just finished watching Will Smith's "The Pursuit of Happyness" and I cried and cried, at the frustrastion illustrated there, then I cried tears of joy when he was given a ray of light in the midst of the darkness. I cried at his bravery in facing all the terrible things that happened to him head on. I cried when he had to lock him and his son up in a train station's toilet so the boy could sleep at night. I cried when he could not sleep. I cried when he beat the odds. Chris Gardner is one brave guy. Its a true story so I know he's out there somewhere. And I am grateful to him for telling his own story. No one would see him now in 2007 and think he had to fight to stay in line in a homeless shelter so he could get a decent bed for his son at night. No one would see his success and believe that he ever made an investment mistake...
Read more

Drama Queen

-
I know, when I paused after reading the topic, I tried to see it from a reader's point of view. I'm sure you'll be thinking along this lines: she's about to talk about some chick that loves to act life out, that loves to be the centre of attention 24/7. I am glad to tell you that you are wrong! I am about to lament to YOU about my life! I need to know Why everytime I am about to step up to the next level in my life, its never automatic I need to know why everytime I am supposed to just go through a particular session or phase, its never like everyone else's I need to know why I had to attend 3 primary schools instead of one. why I was not allowed into secondary school from primary 4 and my brother was rushed through why I had to attend two secondary schools why I had to do GCE twice, WAEC once, NECO once, just because I was looking for credit in Chemistry, even though i had As in all the other subjects. why I had to be given a fake score in the JAMB I needed to use ...
Read more