2020: A Clean Slate

Imagine a life where you sacrifice your own happiness based on what other people want for you. From small things like wearing a dress you don't really like because your friend said it looks cute, to picking a career just because it's what your parents want you to do.

Next thing, you're sitting in an armchair at 70 years old with a life you're not happy about thinking, "How did I get here?"

Doing what others want may be fine for a while, but when you don't put yourself and your own choices first, little decisions could build up to resentment and regret down the line.

We want to be sure we're choosing our own path at every point in time Adedayo Adeniyi because it's easier to give your best self to the world when you're happy inside.

She Leads Africa newsletter, Saturday January 18, 2020.

I feel as if the writer took a peek into my life and decided to write about it.

The last quarter of 2019 had me rolling around one thought in my head: I must start with a clean slate next year.

I sat down and visualized how I wanted my life to be, this next decade.

I determined that I wanted to cut away everything that had influenced me against my innermost wishes in this decade. Ten years ago I was still under my parents’ thumb, and I had no means of livelihood. As an African child, a Nigerian for that matter, we all know how strongly our parents hold onto us, but my case was more extreme.

It isn't that I do not love my family. It is just that Matthew 10:36 MSG has become my reality. My well-meaning family members have become my worst enemies. I realized that I was never truly at peace except when I am far away from them all, even when I was a child. I need to find myself and know the true meaning of being happy.

I let go of so many golden opportunities over the years because of my parents’ irrational fears and ego. I was the proverbial good girl, obeying to the last degree, but by the end of the decade, I was unhappy, full of resentment and regret, and not where I wanted to be. Back home after pretending to be happy in an eight-year-long failed marriage, with a child in tow, I had spent more than two years still back under their thumb. By Mid 2019, I was done.

So I picked up my pen and wrote and drew.

What do I want to be this new decade? Who do I want to be this new decade? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be with? What part of my life do I need to work on to get there?

The first thing I knew I wanted to have was peace of mind. I needed to actually spend time to think about my life. I felt like the Runaway bride who didn't even know how she liked her eggs, sometimes. I spent time away from home, visiting friends who just let me be me. I took the time to plan and plot my escape. I blocked out every dissenting voice that felt I should not abandon my mother and have my own life.

The next thing I knew I needed to do was to look for a place of my own. It need not be big or in some fancy estate, but what it needed to have was a lot of distance between it and my family. I had tried to move away once after I had gotten physically better. Let’s just say my mother managed to draw me back, using my son’s welfare as a major point. Changing his school to her the one she suggested turned out to be a disaster for the child, but that’s a story for another day. This time around, my place has to be somewhere so far away from the whole family, that they would definitely never drop in, unannounced.

While waiting for that to become reality, I need to begin to build good habits for every aspect of my life. I need to imbibe habits that will sustain me in terms of mental and physical health, and I need to target habits that are to be a part of the person I want to become.

Above all, I know I needed to write everything down. Journalling my past, and more importantly, my journey to true happiness will definitely help me have a clear picture of where I was and how I am faring as I work towards where I want to be. I will be writing posts about my rebirth periodically this year and going forward.

As you read how this 'chunk of time' and the new decade unfolds, I really hope it helps someone else out there avoid my mistakes, and learn the lessons I had to learn the hard way.

Happy New Year!